January 18, 2004
Lyrics On Life and Love
I normally don't listen to Smashmouth, but I'm really bored so I borrowed my brother's CD and am listening to a song on it. There's some lyrics that I can definently relate to love and life:
What's the use of trying?
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine
I got rain!
On love--you probably know that there's some girls out there who are really pretty (for guys, guys that are really hot). Not that I'm gay, but you can tell that they're really pretty naturally, and no matter how hard you tried, you could never be as pretty as them. Well, the worst part is when they're single. All the guys are staring at them constantly. But when they leave, which is like, never, then guys pay attention to you because there's nothing else to do.
And say you're a girl like me--13, never been kissed, had a boyfriend, probably no guy has liked you IN YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, and you have no clue why, and you're wondering what's wrong with you. And every guy you asked out, they say no.
OK, I'll admit I've only asked out a guy once, but he said he'd go out with me but he wasn't ready, and then in the spring he gets a girlfriend. And he got his mom to tell me that. So probably no. But whenever I tell a guy or he somehow finds out I like him, he does either one of the following: A) Run away from me, B) Has one of my friends tell me that we should "just be friends", or C) Never talks to me or comes near me (basically A). WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??? I always get rejected somehow. And I just can't stand it when I see girls getting whatever guy they want.
But sometimes, I think it's kind of a good thing, because after kissing a lot, you probably get tired of it and go farther which leads to unpurity, and if God's plan says for me to wait for that special someone someday, then it must be worth waiting for. But sometimes I just want to go with the flow.
Now on life: it's gotten better, but I just with I was someone else at times. Somebody besides me. I know God made me special, but still, something's wrong with me, I feel it. I just want to be somebody else. Anybody. Well, not really, but someone better than me. But I know I couldn't be a lot of people. That doesn't make sense. Forget that.
But do you know how tired I am of sitting in front of the TV or computer on a lot of Friday nights, emailing people, whatever, and a lot of my friends are out at the movies or skiing or having fun with friends? Why aren't I invited to parties? I haven't been invited to a boy-girl party since the sixth grade. I haven't been to one in my whole life, actually.
Do you know how hard it is for everyone to pass you by? I just wish I could live life like others could. Be someone else. Be in love. But no, I'm stuck like this, stuck in this same position every day. I thought about this in American history someday this week--what's the point of life, really? You wake up, go to school, do homework, eat, go online, sleep. Every day in the same cycle. It's boring. And all these famous stars aren't even going to matter in 100 years. Nothing will matter. I won't matter. Unless I become a famous writer, which is my dream. But still, in about 200 or somewhat years if the world still exsists, JK Rowling and I probably will be long forgotten. You live, you die. The end. I just don't get it. God, the point again is...
I swear I think too much. It's unhealthy.
wait4you at 7:52 p.m.
