December 05, 2007
Still In Love With You
I’m at school right now. Let’s say that my day has not gone that well. I woke up late (as usual) and my mom kept nagging me to get ready, getting irritated and everything. She was yelling from downstairs every five minutes, “Get down here!” And I’m yelling back, “OKAY!!” I hate doing that, yelling from different stories inside the house. But yeah, That put me in a bad mood in the car. I told her how much I hate my car pool because of how rude one of the girls is, the other one doesn’t talk, and I’m sick of waiting after school for hours (I’m here till five today) waiting for the kids’ activities to be done, but she says she’s prolonging getting me a car for as long as she can, which will be until college. Which sucks, cuz I’m so freaking sick of being in car pool! I’m a senior. It makes me feel like a little kid.
But yeah, then at school my friend made fun of my shoes, calling them hooker shoes. Just because a shoe is stiletto doesn’t make it hooker! And I felt like wearing them! But I felt like an idiot this morning in my attire—black skirt, aqua sweater (our school has a strict dress code), while everyone else is in boots and khaki pants. So I felt like I stood out in an awkward, bad way.
So yeah, this morning wasn’t the best…but this girl today started randomly talking to me. She was being very nice to me. It just warms my heart when people take the time to notice me because I’m so shy. I love it when people smile or say hi, they have no idea how much it means to me. I really should take the time to smile and say hi t o people more, but I’m worried they’ll think I’m a loser because I don’t exactly hang out with the most popular people in school.
Well anyway, about Cap and SG…I’ll go on about SG first because it’s shorter. I friended SG on Facebook yesterday, but I’m not sure if he checked his Facebook cuz I haven’t gotten a friend response yet. Or he just doesn’t want to be my friend. Which in that case, he’s weird, since he’s friended my brother, but whatever.
Now, about Cap…well, I talked to him yesterday. I would’ve written an entry yesterday, but I had work until nine, so I didn’t have much time. But anyways, I actually did talk to him. Every time I talk to him, it takes a lot of guts for me to swallow my fear, put it behind me for a moment, and start off by saying ‘Hi.” I don’t know if he wants me there. I don’t know if he cares. It’s all a bunch of uncertainties, but I have to take a risk and get over those fears. It’s the only way I can see if we can work out or not.
So. After first hour, I walked up to him, and said, “Hey, what’s up?” He said, “Nothing.” Then I asked him about his band, how he got a new drummer, and he seemed to be going along with the conversation, not really looking at me, which sucks. But then when I asked him if his band is playing anytime soon, he got all excited and went, “Oh yeah! We’re playing this Thursday. I’ll get you a ticket…” and then he asked his friend for a ticket, and he and his friend started having a conversation about the concert. Then I just left. Obviously I was unwanted.
But I will not give up! This quest for love is not over yet. And besides, I’ve still got my guy I’m “with” right now. He called me yesterday while I was at work. Oh, it’s so good to hear his sweet voice…I wasn’t able to talk to him, but he left me a voicemail.
I just wish so badly t hat we could last. I hate how his love’s been dying for the past four or five months. It’s sent me through emotional hell. I just want love from him. I got that a year ago; what happened?
He bashes my family. He hates where I live. He still sends me mixed messages. I don’t know what to do with him anymore.
And yet…I am still madly in love with him. I’m really crazy. I don’t know what to do here.
Well, enough about boys, before I conclude…I was re-reading my whole diary the other day, and my, have I changed. I mostly was surprised how much my writing style has changed and improved since I was in eighth grade. It’s amazing what time can do, you know?
Well, until next time...and once again, I hate my car pool.
wait4you at 3:40 p.m.
